The literary field is littered with writers who are alcoholics, on their third even fourth marriage, drug addicts, you name it. Not every writer has one of these scars but many writers do because how else would we be able to put into words such intense emotions as loss, redemption and growth! How can a writer describe something she has never felt?
Well, some writers can because they are keen observers but still there has to be something in their experience that resonates with the energy and emotions going on in a scene that they are writing. That's why many writers are such tortured souls.
I am one of those writers. I have a very tortured soul and I sense that Todd does as well. We both grew up poor, hungry for love and badly abused. We've beat the odds in many ways and not only survived but thrived. Still old news and old demons have constantly attacked our present day selves and we almost let them win recently. We certainly let them in and they pinged around doing some damage. Time will only tell if the damage is reversable enough to recapture the love and attraction that brought Todd and I together in the first place.
I owe my husband an apology - and I will do so in public - for letting the fear of the past shutout my true feelings for him and get in the way of us. He even gave me a message in his second mystery novel, No Place Like Home, at the end where the hero and his love ride off together on a motorcycle. I even said, "You wrote that for me, didn't you?" and he replied, "Yes."
I'm hoping that it's not too late to correct the damage that's been done. I'm hoping that from now on we can keep it real between us and not let the past define our present. I even said to Todd that once we honor our current author/writing commitments if he wanted to stop chasing all the writing dreams then I was with him. If he wants to keep going I'm with him as well. I just don't want to lose him, myself or us in the process.
We had two wonderful rides together over the weekend and I'm hoping for many, many more. I love you Todd - have since I met you and always will. You're my hero and bad biker dude and I just want to let you know that you are more important than any title or book contract or anything else and I would love to ride off into the sunset with you.